


OBERON

by vanhunks



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Culture and traditions, Dreams, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-24 05:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10735524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanhunks/pseuds/vanhunks
Summary: When Chakotay lies in a coma at Starfleet medical, only one word tears from his lips like a lost, beloved memory.Written for the VAMB Secret Santa 2015. My recipient was PiOneOneZero who requested the following: "I'd like a Christmas story in which Chakotay (who has never celebrated Christmas) introduces Kathryn to some of the mid-winter traditions of his culture. Can be set anytime during the series or post-Endgame. Fluff, feel good and a J/C kiss!"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on ff.net, but first time on AO3. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns Janeway, Chakotay and other Voyager characters.   
> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Mary Stark, for the excellent betareading.

* * *

 

They squared off in the lounge of their apartment not far from Starfleet Headquarters. This confrontation had been coming for days.

Seven of Nine had spoken then blanched as his expression changed. She had not foreseen such a reaction and her head snapped back as if Chakotay had dealt her a physical blow. Fury erupted in his face, swelling into his entire body. She could not recall a single instant since Voyager had arrived in the Alpha Quadrant in which his rage had been directed at her. At others like Ayala, Torres, even the captain, yes. Never at her.

His hands shook and his fingers trembled. She had a sudden vision of those fingers curling around her neck, squeezing the life out of her. Even if she wanted to back away from him, a low coffee-table would have prevented her.

She stood up to her man, in a manner of speaking; it was not in her nature to back down from a confrontation. This time, she knew she had gone too far. But he had to know the truth. What there had been between them seemed to have dissolved, at least on her part. It had left a bitter taste in her mouth, the old victory that she'd thought she had won was no more. She wondered if she’d ever had it.  

She couldn't fight legacies, histories, the what-had-beens of his life on Voyager, of a captain who walked away, refusing to intrude on the territory of a new relationship, one that would culminate in marriage.

Now, six months home in the Alpha Quadrant, living with Chakotay, she found it impossible to determine his deepest emotions, answer to his deepest needs. She possessed him, yes, and in those first heady months the cracks that had begun to show were plastered over by the only thing that worked between them – lust. Now there was nothing. Her victory was a hollow one.

She stared fearlessly at him.

"W-what - what did you say?" he demanded incredulously.

"I no longer love you, Chakotay. It was good for a time. But now It is pointless to continue our marriage so I've started proceedings for a formal separation."

As if in a blur she saw his hand snake out. She thought he would strike her but at the last moment he stalled that motion. She jumped back as if he had dealt her a blow across the face. Her backward movement caused her to stumble over the coffee table. As she landed she knocked her mouth against the table leg. He pulled her up and shook her. Suddenly he pushed her backwards again. This time she managed to keep her balance as she wiped her bloodied lips.

"I married you, for God's sake," he hissed, his voice laced with uncontained fury, "because I loved you!"

"No, Chakotay, you don’t love me. You never have. You made yourself believe that. Janeway didn't want you, remember?"

She shrank back, wondering if he'd try to strike her again.

She didn’t tell him about how she had deceived Janeway, telling her she had slept with Chakotay and was pregnant with his child.  Janeway… Always doing what was right. It was right that her best friend marry Seven of Nine. It was the honourable thing to do. Janeway never mentioned the coming child as if she found that prospect too hard to swallow. So she told Chakotay she'd be his best friend always, that she wanted to see him happy with Annika, the woman he loved.

Now Chakotay seemed unstoppable in his anger as he reached for her, grabbing her shoulders again, digging his fingers so hard into her that she gave a cry of alarm.

"God damn, you Annika! Who's the man? The one you invited into our bed, hmmm? Who?"

"There is no one! But I now know what love is – "

"You bitch! Do you have any idea at all what I gave up for you? Just so you could tell me it's over? That it was all a sham?"

"Yes, a sham if you must know!"

She broke from his grasp and jumped back, away from his swinging arm.

"Get out of my house, Seven. Never show your face around here again!"

She'd already removed most of her things. He'd been too head-over-heels in love to notice that she'd already moved out. She would lick her wounds in Oslo.

"Goodbye, Chakotay. I’m sorry you are so hurt but I’m not sorry for our marriage. For a while, we did have something special. It just didn’t last."

She left the house swiftly, relieved that she had brought an end to her union with him. She had loved their dinner dates, the attention he gave her, loved basking in his care and devotion, her first kiss, losing her virginity and the beauty of it. He had been such a beautiful lover. But it was over.

She had him, yet she could never reach him.

****

The moment Annika left, Chakotay sank down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. So many things became clear. He could never understand why Kathryn had taken a long term assignment in deep space. He'd always assumed she'd want to be based at Headquarters.

Seven had deceived him. He was certain that she had deceived Kathryn too. How had he missed those signs? How? Had he been too deeply enmeshed in Seven's allure that he never noticed that her love for him was built on a lie?

So many pieces of the puzzle that had him scratching his head now fell into place. Whenever he questioned Annika, she deftly avoided any issues pertaining to a baby or Kathryn or anything deeper than the lust they shared by stripping in front of him. Then he'd be back in lust for days.

He had been blinded by the illusion of love.

"Do not worry about Admiral Janeway, darling," she'd tell him. "You know how she is too honourable to intrude on our happiness."

Seven had wanted him when Kathryn turned him away. Now he realised how those dinner dates with Seven had been engineered with callous disregard, how that first kiss had been initiated by her, how he actually responded to her charm. He had been dazed by Kathryn's rejection of his declarations of love and commitment. Seven saw the opportunity and used it. He began to love Seven, to feel special again, sickly pleased that she noticed him and wanted to experience those things he thought he could have with Kathryn.

He slept with Seven and threw himself wholeheartedly into the relationship.

Now she had told him it was all a sham, just so he couldn't have Kathryn.

Chakotay hardly realised he'd bitten into his palms until he saw them bleed. Seven was gone. Kathryn had left him because Seven lied to them both. When he had wanted to seek reconciliation with Kathryn, he could never quite understand why she turned away from him.

Now he knew.

He sat up, threw back his head, closed his eyes and silently cursed at the way he had been deceived. 

 **

END PART ONE


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

 

The sun was scorching the group of students sweating on an excavation dig in Mexico. Chakotay had gathered his best second year cadets working towards their archaeology credits to assist him. Artefacts lay hidden at least two metres below the burning surface, too fragile to transport out. They had cleared away a metre and a half of top soil over a large area and were in fact sitting on a crater-like hole, engaging in the finer chopping and brushing that was needed to expose the priceless pottery.

Transporting the artefacts had been a question asked by Chris Cairns, one of his best students.

"Where's the fun in that, Cadet?" he'd asked. "Besides, some of the pieces might be too brittle to transport and could disintegrate.

"Understood, Professor. Just testing!"

Chris had given a wide smile before he continued to chip with a small hammer, then brushed away sand and small stones. Some of the early tribal pottery work and implements used in their daily lives were what they were expecting to discover. He was excited since the collection would form part of a major exhibition in New York.

Chakotay settled into work again, his mind on what had happened in the last month and his final separation from Seven of Nine. He had been blindingly angry with her. He had never been that angry before with any woman, though Seska had tried his patience many times. He'd gone to Oslo where Seven had been staying with her aunt before making a decision to travel to Vulcan. Seven had looked subdued, he'd thought.

"You have to understand. I was blinded by my anger, Annika. I am sorry that I lashed at you. I have never - "

" - been that furious, I understand. I concede I was not more…diplomatic."

"Perhaps. I am sorry and I apologise. I've never come that close to losing complete control. It was a heck of a blow - "

"You did not hurt me, Chakotay. I stumbled over the coffee table - "

"No, I mean your announcement. It came like a bolt of lightning, you understand?"

"Then I apologise as well. I loved you, perhaps not with the same dedication as you love Admiral Janeway. I thought it was the way to fight for something. Voyager's database contained no information on the subtleties of - of  'getting your man' as Tom Paris would say. I am Borg. I did not know any better."

"It cost me the woman I love, dammit!" he'd said with sudden fervour.

"I said I'm sorry."

He'd given a deep sigh, controlling his breathing until he was calm again. Then he'd nodded. Annika had done the right thing. She had chosen to break it off with him. Had she not done so, he would never have separated from her. It was a daunting thought, that he could live without Kathryn for the rest of his life.

"I hope we can be friends, Chakotay."

He'd given a wan smile. "Yes, I hope so too."

They had parted amicably then. She had to finish her tenure at Starfleet Science Division before leaving for Vulcan. He was happy for her, glad that the air had been cleared between them.

After that, his thoughts had been constantly on Kathryn, not knowing how to face her, refusing to contact her lest she reject him again. She probably thought he was still married. He couldn't forget the look on her face when he'd told her he was marrying Seven. Only now, months later, did he realise how shattered her eyes were, though she'd instantly managed to subdue her distress. But that last time, just after Voyager had been fractured into different time frames… She'd once again pleaded duty above everything, that she couldn't afford to be  distracted by him anymore.

Anymore.

They’d had something amazing, greater than special. He closed his eyes, trying to blank out images of Kathryn, the way they were a lifetime ago.

The past month he'd lived dangerously, despite warning his students to be careful. He'd wanted to forget the damning pain in Kathryn's eyes, his own shame and wrongdoing, his refusal to wait…

One time B'Elanna cornered him in the holosuite where he was fighting two Klingon adversaries. He was good with a bat-leth, but the safeties had been off. She and Tom had been looking for him to invite him to a weekly dinner and to connect with Miral.

"Chakotay!" she'd yelled as the enraged Klingon swung his weapon, the blade cutting him across the chest.

He'd frozen the programme, glared at the Klingon then swung round to face Torres, oblivious to the blood streaming down his chest. He didn't feel any pain.

"Dammit, Torres! I had him!"

"What you _almost_ had," she'd replied, her voice tinged with concern, "was a near death experience had that Klingon impaled your chest! What were you _thinking_!"

He'd stepped right up to her, clutching his bleeding wound, the bat-leth swinging loosely from his other hand.

"You've got to see the doctor," she'd said quietly, the anger leaving her when she saw the gaping wound to his chest.

"Sure thing, Torres. Just let me get through this, okay?"

And so in the space of a month, he'd engaged in free-falling from twenty thousand metres in the holodeck like B'Elanna had once done. He'd gone skydiving, free-falling from one of Voyager's shuttles piloted by an unsuspecting young ensign, plunging feet first into the Atlantic. He'd dived from the forty metre platform of a bridge into a deep river, a position in which again, he went down feet first. He had had a scrambled stomach and broken ankles for days and invoked the ire of the EMH who'd treated him. He tried everything to assuage the fury that had slowly but surely seeped from his body. It seemed he couldn't forget how he’d been deceived, the image of Kathryn seeming to taunt him every time he performed a dangerous stunt.

Chakotay sighed. He'd had a meltdown for almost a month after Seven of Nine left him so crushed. B'Elanna and Tom were concerned when he told them one night of what Seven of Nine had done, what he had done, that there were mutual apologies.

But B'Elanna especially had been sceptical, still angry about the deception. Yet, her words contained her thinly veiled accusation that he'd been a fool letting Kathryn go in the first place.

"You threw away the key to your heart, Chakotay! Go and get your woman!"

"Chakotay," Tom had said, "we're probably all allowed to make mistakes, but they will mean nothing if we keep making them, not acting to turn them into something positive. We could see how unhappy you were…"

"She turned me down when I asked her," he'd tried to explain.

"That's because she was afraid. You just had to storm her defences and weather them. Maybe you were too impatient to wait."

That was the truth. That was the key. He couldn't wait. He didn't want to tell them the details of Seven's deception. If anything could keep Kathryn from ever revealing her true feelings for him or show a renewed commitment to him, it would be Annika pregnant with his child. Kathryn would do the honourable thing and Annika had known exactly which of Kathryn's buttons to push.

He'd promised Tom and B'Elanna that he would contact Kathryn. Up until now he hadn't done so. He was still fearing that she wouldn't want him back. B'Elanna disagreed with him, saying that he needed to explain to Kathryn.

Chakotay gave a deep sigh as he slammed the hammer hard into the ground. How could he explain to Kathryn he'd made a colossal mistake? Could he stand the cold, distant look in her eyes again?

"Professor?"

Chakotay pulled himself from his reverie, almost surprised to see Chris' face come into focus.

Then right at that moment something happened. Chakotay felt a shift in the ground which caused him to rock haphazardly.

"Professor!"

"Cadet!" he yelled as he realised what was happening. "Stand back! Now! Now!!"

Then the ground gave way, swallowing him into a vortex of sand and rock as it swirled inevitably downwards. He gave a keening cry of alarm as he plunged into the depths of the hole, tumbling, tumbling, his body slamming against rocks that jutted from the walls of the cavern. Still he kept falling, unable to hold on to consciousness or to grab at anything to find purchase. 

Then he landed against an incline, his head striking a rock with such force that his skull cracked open. He rolled down, stopping barely a metre away from a large pool.

But Chakotay never registered that he had landed at the bottom of a sinkhole. He was knocked senseless, his last thought of a mystical rider on a great black stallion.

"Kathryn…"

***

END PART TWO

 


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

 

The beast pranced and clawed the air as its rider maintained control of the reins. When the stallion landed it stomped the dusty ground, snorting impatiently. But the rider patted its neck, leaning forward to whisper something near the stallion's ear.

"Easy now, Oberon. You're impatient, I know! Soon we shall cross the plains of Sonora. But first we wait for Thaïs and her mistress. We always wait for her, remember?"

Oberon snorted again. His body gleamed in the midday sun, already moist from an early run. He knew his master wanted him to flex his muscles, ready to sprint off at great speed. Thaïs would not beat them again today. He was going to outrun her with superior strength and size and power.

The rider's hair was pitch black, like his horse with its magnificent tail. He wore no hat and his forehead gleamed with perspiration, little silvery beads creating another pattern along the lines of his tattoo. He shielded his eyes with his hand as he turned his face westwards, scanning the glimmering desert for Thaïs and her mistress. Mare and mistress…equally fiery.

Then he saw them cantering towards him. "See, Oberon? Wasn't it worth waiting for them?"

The black stallion snorted, stomping his hooves impatiently.

Thaïs came up to them, her rider pulling on the reins as they stopped next to Oberon. She was small, her hands dainty. Her hair gleamed golden bronze in the sun. Today she let it hang loose and when she turned her head, glossy curls swung as if in slow motion, framing her delicate face as she looked at him.

"Your Oberon is a magnificent beast, Chakotay."

"So is Thaïs." Chakotay smiled broadly at her. "Who will you be today, my love  - Oberon or Kathryn?"

Sometimes he called her Kathryn, at others simply Oberon, like his horse. She was feisty and tiny and smart as a whip, like Thaïs. Then too, Kathryn possessed courage and determination, stamina and a strength even he sometimes didn't have. Then he always thought she was just like Oberon.

Kathryn smiled impishly, a challenge in her eyes. "Oberon…"

Chakotay pointed to a small mesa in the far distance. Just beyond the mesa there was a dry river bed, a landscape dotted with organ pipe cacti.

"Race you!"

They sped off, Oberon galloping like the wind. Chakotay cast a quick glance at Thaïs who kept abreast with them. He dug in his heels, whipped up Oberon's energetic movements as he incited the stallion to gallop faster, harder. They were nearing the mesa but Thaïs still kept up with them. Once he glanced at Kathryn whose face changed to all the characteristics he attributed to Oberon.

"Oberon!" he cried as he looked at Kathryn, "you're not going to catch us this time!"

"Says who?" Oberon responded as she dug her heels into Thaïs' flanks.

As if by some unknown signal, Thaïs jumped ahead and reached the mesa first, climbing the short hill with alarming swiftness. She was ahead! Chakotay pushed his horse as he too scaled the mesa until they were on top.

But as he looked down on the other side, towards the dry river bed, the organ pipe cacti disappeared. Only short clumps of bushes lined the banks.

Oberon and Thaïs were gone! Quickly he descended the mesa and headed for the river. He couldn't see them. As he reached the river, he thought he heard Thaïs trotting nearby, although he couldn't see horse and rider.

From behind a large clump, the horse appeared suddenly. Kathryn and Thaïs looked at them briefly before they moved off again.

"No! Don't go!" Chakotay cried, suddenly alarmed.

"I have to, my love."

She was moving further and further away. No matter how he tried to keep up with them, it was futile.

"Why? Why, Oberon?"

"My task still lies before me. I must complete it."

"I love you!"

"Love…will not get us home."

Then Thaïs pranced, and when she settled, Kathryn who looked strong and determined  and courageous like his horse cantered off into the distance until they disappeared into the mirage there. The air seemed to breathe and shimmer as horse and rider quietly merged with the landscape.

Then darkness cloaked him and his horse so that even they did not know the direction they were heading as he searched for Kathryn. But she was lost to him. From his throat tore a name, hoarse, full of pain and suffering.

"Oberon!!!"

***

"We're losing him!" Voyager's EMH yelled. "Hand me the cortical stimulator! Now! Nurse!"

"Yes, Doctor," the nurse responded, frazzled at the way the doctor was yelling at her.

As soon as he attached the stimulator, the doctor studied the monitor closely.

"It's not working! His heart has stopped!"

By the time he snapped the next command, the nurse was ready with the defibrillator which she placed on Chakotay's chest. The EMH gave her a grateful look before he began the procedure of resuscitating Voyager's former first officer.

"Now!" he called as he pressed a key on the panel. The stricken officer's body heaved from the bed. No reaction. "Again!"

Several times he repeated the action until the nurse cried excitedly, "There's a heartbeat, Doctor!"

The EMH gave a relieved sigh as he removed the device from Chakotay's chest. While the Commander's breathing was still alarmingly shallow, at least he was out of the woods for the moment. His heart was beating again.

"He remains in a deep coma, Nurse. Move him to his ward. All other injuries have been treated. But the trauma to his head was the most severe."

The nurse, a Bajoran, stared at the face of the man on the bed. He had saved the lives of all the students who had been on the excavation dig with him, but sustained the gravest of injuries himself. It was a miracle that he was still alive when brought to Starfleet Medical. No one visited him except Lieutenant Paris and his wife B'Elanna. Now they had organised a group of former Voyager crew who would take turns keeping a vigil. Any thought of contacting Admiral Janeway was shot down by Lieutenant Paris. His wife agreed, saying that Admiral Janeway was on a diplomatic mission on Sularia, a planet in the Melvech System just outside Federation Space.

The nurse gave a sigh and looked up as they heard a knock on the door and Seven of Nine strode in.

"Is there anything I can do to help, Doctor?" she said as she acknowledged them in greeting.

"Nothing, as yet. This time your nanoprobes will not be of any use, I'm afraid. He is in a deep coma and seems to languish in another world, as if he didn't wish to return from there," the EMH explained.

"Doctor, Chakotay and I are no longer married, as you might know. But I can tell you where his heart lies…"

The doctor stepped up to her, his face serious. "If there is any way in which you can help - "

"I can and I know how," Seven assured him.

"His heart stopped. Just before we revived him, he cried out a name - "

"Admiral Janeway's?"

"Curiously enough, no. He murmured the name 'Oberon'. Do you know Oberon?"

"I have never heard of the name, Doctor. I shall leave you now to make contact with Admiral Janeway."

"Thank you, Seven."

Seven looked down at Chakotay, her heart burning with love for him. She was his friend and would never reveal how her true feelings for him had never changed. She had lied when she'd told him that her love for him had stopped. But the pain she was experiencing now was what she knew Admiral Janeway must have felt when she'd gone to her and hinted that she was pregnant. Her own heart was still raw, and if it had not been for Harry, she'd have been on Vulcan by now. Harry gave her hope and a new - or old and forgotten - flutter in her heart.

Chakotay's heart belonged to Admiral Janeway. Seven had come to accept that, was even happy about it. Now they were friends, which was so much more desirable.

Admiral Janeway loved Chakotay. She would be the miracle to bring him out of his coma. Of that Seven was quite certain.

*****

END PART THREE

 


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

 

**On the planet Sularia.**

She had been restless for days, unable to understand why she could be in the grip of such an emotion. She had elected to be posted as far away from Earth as possible, at least while Chakotay and Seven of Nine were still living there.

She had a spacious office and a very pleasant Sularian aide who seemed to want to be glued to her side.

"Because, Admiral, you need to be reminded to eat!" Cullen had sounded outraged, adding, "We Sularians know how to eat!"

"You cannot expect me to do the same. I support only one stomach, or am I supported by only one stomach," she said reflectively.

After that exchange, Cullen had ceased badgering her to eat. He made certain she kept busy as she had ordered, filling even her rest times with engagements. After all, Sularia was petitioning to become a member of the Federation. So Kathryn had kept herself well-occupied blanking out images of Chakotay and Seven of Nine together. She wanted to forget about them, about them being together the way he was with her on Voyager, in the holodeck. She did not perform the wedding ceremony for them. That honour had fallen to Admiral Hays. By that time, she had already asked for a commission away from Earth. She'd barely been reunited with her mother and Phoebe when she saddened them by leaving shortly after returning home.

She was not the only Federation senior official on Sularia. Three other admirals and their posse of aides, junior officers, wives, girlfriends and children were here too. They had other tasks to complete. Hers was to establish a peace keeping force of both civilians and military. Her job was almost done. Too many banquets were playing havoc with her health and she was ready for a new mission. Perhaps take Voyager again. But Voyager had been given to Chakotay. She had visions of being posted deep in the Gamma Quadrant…

She couldn't stop thinking of them, of the chances she had thrown away by not committing herself to marriage to Chakotay. Sometimes, whenever she couldn't help herself, she'd clutch her bosom trying to drive away the pain. She had been so obsessed with her mission, driven to get Voyager and her crew home. As commander of her vessel, duty, loyalty, discipline constantly kept her from binding herself to Chakotay, to marriage. Although her heart desperately wanted to, just touching the four rank pips on her collar kept her prisoner.

_I was so stupid!_

With a sigh she switched on her monitor to check for updates and messages from Earth.  Minutes later she closed communication again and sat with her head in her hands. She was dog tired thanks to her aide Cullen who kept her so busy.

In the late afternoon, sun streamed in through the window. No important messages, no one on Sularia really caring, her only purpose that of fulfilling her mission. She should return to Earth, she thought as she rubbed her eyes tiredly. She'd left everything that was known to her, had hardly taken time to adjust to being back in the Alpha Quadrant before she left again. More like running away, like a coward who couldn't face Chakotay and Seven of Nine together, married, happy and pregnant.  She missed Earth, she admitted to herself as she tried vainly to wipe away a tear.

"I am destined to be lonely," she murmured in the empty, cold office.

"No woman as beautiful as you should be alone, Kathryn…"

Her head rocked up, her eyes widening as she saw who stood just inside her door. Beloved, beloved figure, so familiar her heart wrenched painfully. His eyes were kind and loving as they rested on her.

"Chakotay!"

He smiled as he stepped forward.

"Yes, it's me. Surprised?"

Kathryn rose from her chair and hurried round the desk. Her heart thundered wildly as he opened his arms and she fell into his embrace. He was rock-solid, his cologne teasing her nostrils as she rested her head against his chest.

"I am surprised. No Annika?"

"She is at Starfleet Headquarters, as you know."

"Oh. And?"

It was enough that he was there, his presence very reassuring.

"She is a good person, Kathryn. But my love, do not worry about her now, understand? She has blessed us. I am here and I want to be with you."

As she gazed into his eyes, she saw they were clear as if they were telling her that it was okay to love her and be with her. She was torn between wanting to kiss him and withdrawing because he was married. She wanted to make herself believe it was okay to love him without inhibition and conditions.

"It's okay, Kathryn, my love," he said as if he read her thoughts. "Come, you must show me around. This is a beautiful planet. I saw a great mesa from the shuttle. Take me there…"

Overjoyed that she didn't have to worry about Seven of Nine, Kathryn broke contact with him, taking his hand to lead him out the door, yet the way he held her it seemed he was leading her. She didn't question how he knew the terrain around the Ambassadorial buildings or the outskirts of the city. The thundering of her heart had slowed down to a thrilling flutter that warmed her body. So she followed him.

Later they sat under a tree on the banks of a dry river. She wormed herself against him, her face in his neck.

"Chakotay."

"Yes, my love?"

"Why does it feel as if I know this place?"

"Maybe because I told you about it, on Voyager. Remember?"

She didn't remember, yet it felt familiar. 

"It's nearing Christmas time," she murmured absently, her eyes misting with tears.

"Christmas is important to you?"

She glanced up at him, frowning again. "You know that! Haven't I told you before? On Voyager?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice, dearest Kathryn."

"Well, it's very important. My mom and sister attend a midnight service on Christmas eve near our home in Indiana. Then we have a family celebration on Christmas day with a big Christmas tree. Maybe one day…"

"One day what?" Chakotay asked when Kathryn seemed to linger on an old memory.

"I will show you, when we get home."

"Then I shall show you how we celebrate the ceremony of the Soyaluna."

"Soyaluna?"

"Yes. It is a celebration thousands of years old, when we believe that the sun god travels the furthest away from Earth. So we have a prayer festival in which the warriors bring back the sun."

"That sounds beautiful."

"It is. One day…"

"One day what, Chakotay?"

"I shall share it with you, when we get home. I cannot imagine sharing such a sacred festival with any living being but you, my love."

Kathryn turned in his embrace and looked deeply into his eyes, all thought of Seven of Nine forgotten.

"I love you."

His face broke into a beautiful smile. Suddenly the smile faded.

"Chakotay?"

"I need you now, Kathryn. You must come…"

"Admiral! Admiral!" someone whispered urgently in her ear, shaking her shoulder.

She lifted her head sluggishly, looking with a dazed air at Cullen, blinking hard several times.

"W-What - ?"

"You fell asleep, Admiral."

"I had a visitor."

"Who?"

"Chakotay. He was my first officer on Voyager. He was here - "

"Chakotay? I do not know anyone by that name. I can assure you no one entered the building in the last few minutes. I would have known if any visitor wished to speak with you. You are certain?" Cullen asked with a heavy frown.

How could Cullen not know? she wondered. Chakotay had been with her, outside, against a tree next to a river. She shook her head again, confused, admitting reluctantly that she could have been dreaming. Perhaps Chakotay was there and they had gone outside for a while. She'd returned to her office and Chakotay had left again. But why would he leave? What was that last cryptic message?

_I need you. You must come…_

Kathryn looked about her, the room bright with sunshine streaming through the window. She closed her eyes, trying to re-image those last moments with Chakotay by the tree, but all that remained were echoes, sounds that drifted further and further away from her.

"Okay, Cullen," she said as she stared at her aide. "Perhaps I was dreaming."

"There was no one here, I assure you. You are exhausted, Admiral. You should go home and rest, not fall asleep here in your office - "

Just at that moment her monitor beeped. She glanced at Cullen, who threw up his hands knowing she wanted to be alone to respond to an incoming message.

"Thank you, Cullen. That will be all."

When he left the room, Kathryn quickly activated the monitor. A familiar face looked directly at her.

"Seven?" she exclaimed in total surprise.

"Yes, Admiral. Your presence is required on Earth. It is of the utmost importance."

No greeting, no preamble. It was just like Seven of Nine to cut to the heart of the matter.

"Is anything wrong? You appear distressed. Did anything happen to Chakotay?"

"Yes, Admiral. Let me assure you first - Chakotay and I have terminated our marriage. But he needs you. He really needs you."

The news that Chakotay was no longer married flew by her as her concern over his health took precedence. A wave of nausea hit her as she realised that Chakotay might be seriously ill somewhere.

"What has happened to him?"

"He was working on a dig in Mexico when the ground gave way and a sinkhole opened beneath him. He fell down about thirty metres where his head hit jutting rocks. He remains critically injured. He has suffered serious head trauma."

Kathryn was shocked at the news. Could that have been why she'd imagined Chakotay was with her? That it was not a dream but a sign, a call for help? Seven's eyes filled with tears.

"Everyone is concerned, Admiral - Lieutenants Paris and Torres, the Doctor. We have informed former Voyager crew stationed on Earth who have all agreed to keep a vigil until you arrive."

Seven blinked to squeeze away the tears that threatened. "We divorced," she explained tearfully, "because I was not truthful to you and Chakotay. I lied to you both. I have realised the error of my actions. I am sorry that I deceived you. I thought - I thought it was the way to secure my happiness. I was in serious error. Please forgive me."

Kathryn nodded, her own eyes red with unshed tears. Seven seemed genuinely contrite.

"I will return to Earth. My work here is done, anyway. And Seven…thank you."

_For letting Chakotay go too. He would never have left you…_

Seven kept her gaze on Kathryn who frowned at the way the former Borg seemed to hesitate about something.

"Is there anything else?"

"Two things, Admiral. Forgive us for anticipating your decision to return to Earth. Lieutenant Paris is piloting the Delta Flyer. He will arrive on Sularia within hours."

"That is very good. It would have taken me more than a week to arrange transport and reach Earth's orbit. Thank you. What is the other thing?"

"Chakotay called out a name just before his heart stopped and the Doctor revived him. He remains in a deep coma, though. The EMH thought you might know something."

"What name?"

"Oberon."

The name struck an instant chord. Kathryn felt a cold, cold shiver and knew that her face paled. She swallowed with difficulty, just barely managing to acknowledge Seven of Nine.

"Admiral? You are pale. Are you well?"

"It's nothing, Seven. Just the news of Chakotay's illness. Thank you for letting me know."

"Acknowledged."

Seconds later she closed communication. She was reeling, more from the one word Seven mentioned than actually hearing of Chakotay's illness, the coma from which he seemed unable to emerge or even that Chakotay was now a free man.

She leaned back against her chair and closed her eyes.

****

END PART FOUR

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

 

Oberon.

He called her that.

It was their holodeck secret, their private hideaway when everything on Voyager - fighting, surviving, mediating between crewman whenever tempers flared - just became too much for them both to bear. After a hard day, they would escape to the holodeck and revel in being together, allowing the trials and stresses of the day to seep from them.

Oberon.

The first time she'd met Oberon, she was looking for Chakotay, feeling guilty that she'd had to disturb him in his private time in the holodeck. In all their years in the Delta Quadrant, they had respected one another's personal time. It was only in the last year of their journey home, after Voyager had passed through a spatial rift and experienced time fractures of different time periods, that things had begun to change.

Memories of that first time came crashing through the gates of her resolve to forget Chakotay, unforgiving of the decision she'd made to turn down his declaration of love, the proposal he'd made that fateful day.

But that first time, when the holodeck doors slid open…

"Chakotay…?"

She didn't see him immediately, but she heard snorting and the scuffing of horse's hooves. Curious about the sound, she took a few steps further into what she could only glimpse as searing desert terrain with clumps of large bushes and organ pipe cacti.

Then she jumped back, startled when a great beast of a horse stepped right in front of her, dwarfing her by his imposing size. Kathryn gave a cry of alarm as the black stallion neighed and reared on its hind legs.

"Whoa!" the rider coaxed as the prancing beast almost unseated him before stomping the dusty ground again. 

The rider wore leather boots, a khaki shirt open at the neck with rolled up sleeves and trousers she remembered from those first days on the Caretaker's Array. He looked bronzed, his forearms muscled, his hand on the reins now relaxed as if he were in complete control of the horse.

"Chakotay?"

"Hey…"

"This is your pursuit of pleasure?" she asked as she took a very hesitant step forward.

"Was there anything you wanted?"

"I missed you at our weekly dinner, so I came looking for you."

"Sorry. Haven't been on a horse for years. About two years ago I developed this programme, then stopped for a while. You're right. I use this as my private time. That is, if I'm not somewhere in a shuttle meditating. Felt I had to ride Oberon again."

"That is the name of this magnificent beast? Oberon?"

"Yes," Chakotay responded as he dismounted, facing her while still holding the reins.. "I liked the name."

Kathryn, still too wary of taking a step closer said, "It's a good name. What breed is he?"

"Mexican Azteca."

"He's beautiful. You never told me you ride, Chakotay. I thought there were no secrets between us," she said with a humorous air. "I'd like to ride, if you'll teach me."

"You want to what?" he asked again.

"You heard me. Ride. Teach me to ride," she said, her whole expression a challenge.

Chakotay burst into a fit of laughter.

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked, refusing to get angry or embarrassed. She stepped closer to him, wanting to slap his arm, when Oberon snorted loudly. She jumped back again.

"Don't be afraid, Captain," Chakotay said, still smiling.

"What's so funny, Commander?"

"Well, I've finally discovered there's something Kathryn Janeway can't do. Let me enjoy that for a second. Okay, second over. Of course I'll teach you…"

Then Chakotay added a horse to the programme for her. A brown mare Kathryn loved immediately.

"You had the mare already written into your programme," she stated.

"Indeed. I thought of you when I programmed her. Always imagined we could ride together - "

"Thaïs."

"What?"

"That's my horse's name - Thaïs."

"Any significance?"

"She was a feisty woman who accompanied Alexander the Great on his campaigns."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. She knew he was thinking that their roles in the holodeck were reversed. She would accompany him wherever he chose to lead them.

"Good name. Okay."

Over the next few weeks Chakotay patiently taught her to ride until she lost her fear of both horses, for his Oberon was fearsome and strong and very big, clawing the air with sudden fury when he was angry.

Kathryn had become proficient enough to race against Chakotay. He'd chosen the Sonoran Desert terrain for most of their sojourns. Instead of their weekly dinners, they opted for the holodeck, frequently using the same desert scene.

One day Chakotay recreated a creek instead of the dry river bed with trees that provided ample shade. That morning he'd simply ordered her to bring a swimsuit along. They swam, rested, ate something then swam again. The horses were tethered against a low jutting branch while she had had a wonderful time decompressing. By the time they left the holodeck almost two hours later, she was filled with renewed energy.

Other times, they rested against a tree trunk, chewing on blades of grass, staring out over the distance, at peace with the world. The tranquillity of their surroundings was a balm to them both. They'd sit completely still, not speaking for endless minutes, each immersed in their own thoughts. They were a world away from the trials and tribulations of the ship. Once they left the holodeck, Oberon and Thaïs became Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway.

When had things begun to change? The day he'd turned to face her and she knew he was going to kiss her? There had been a dreaminess in the way he'd bent his head and touched her lips. It was so intoxicating that she felt she would swoon.

It had been inevitable, the kiss.

Equally inevitable was the intimacy which followed. Mingling breaths, haltingly whispered endearments, her skin tingling with sensual pleasure as his hands roamed her body. It had been quiet that day, the only sounds their breathing. Until that moment, she had not known how much she'd been craving to be touched by him.

After that she couldn't wait to go to the holodeck once a week to join Chakotay there. They rode Oberon and Thaïs to their hearts' content, then rested under their favourite tree or swam in the creek, made love…

"You know, Kathryn, sometimes you are soft, like a kitten, and dainty like a little bird. I'm afraid I'll break you. It's deceptive. Then, when you are faced with an important decision you become powerful, strong, focused, like Oberon. Actually, most of the time you are like Oberon. No, you _are_ Oberon."

And from that day he began calling her Oberon, always depending on the mood she was in when she joined him in the holodeck. She'd taken it in her stride, knowing how she loved indulging him sometimes.

She loved him. It was that simple. The knowledge had come quietly to her. She'd watched Thaïs and Oberon grazing a little distance away. The great stallion had snorted softly, allowing Thaïs to nuzzle him with complete trust. That day she knew she loved him as she looked at the two horses - Thaïs and Oberon. Kathryn and Chakotay.  They were as one.

Then everything changed, and it was all her own fault.

She'd raced Chakotay to the mesa, her mount nimbly climbing to the top. Then she turned Thaïs to observe Oberon scaling the hill until they too reached the plateau.

"Kathryn…"

Chakotay had looked out of breath, yet there was a strange gleam in his eyes. She'd frowned at the way he gazed at her.

"What is it, Chakotay?" she'd asked.

"I love you," he blurted. "Yes, I love you."

"I - I love you too. Chakotay, what - "

"Marry me, Kathryn."

He'd dismounted and pulled her into his arms, looking deeply into her eyes. She'd gasped sharply, pulling herself out of his embrace, a little shocked at his revelation.

Marriage…

It was never part of anything she'd shared with him. Never, because it would have meant giving up her dream of getting them home, of shutting down the Captain and engaging in the demands of marriage. Didn't he know that while they were playing, riding, loving, that getting Voyager to Earth was always there, in her mind and heart? Yes, she loved him, but what he wanted was so very different from what she wanted. He wanted to be her partner in love and life and be by her side forever. She wanted to enjoy just playing being in love, while she fulfilled her mission with discipline, single-mindedness, strength, control. In short - she wanted to remain Oberon. They were fine just the way they were - loving, making love without the burdens marriage would have placed on her and her mission.

And, she hadn't realised that she had voiced her concerns out loud.

By the time she finished, she was standing alone on the mesa with Thaïs. Chakotay had departed quietly, leaving her to exit the programme.

She'd gone there a week later only to find that Chakotay had deleted his programme. She didn't have the heart to confront him about it. He'd taken his disappointment and continued being her friend, mentor and moral compass. They never spoke about that day in the holodeck, though to the rest of the crew they maintained the friendly demeanour and humorous bantering for which they were famous on board. He never resumed their weekly dinners.

It was only months later that she heard about his dates with Seven.

Then her carefully constructed world crumbled about her. She had never ever anticipated that Chakotay would love someone else, that his love for her had died. Had she been too arrogant to believe that he would never love another and that he'd wait for her to reach home?

Chakotay married Seven of Nine.

****

END PART FIVE


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

 

Kathryn breathed a sigh of relief when the Delta Flyer reached Earth's orbit. With enhanced Borg technology its warp drive had been improved. Had she waited for the first available transport to bring her home, her journey would have taken more than a week.

"I'll have you on Earth within twenty four hours, Captain," Tom Paris had gleefully promised  the previous day. "He's not responding to anyone, not even Seven of Nine. It's something deeply embedded. It has to do with you and no one else, I believe. Chakotay needs you."

It seemed to her that everyone was telling her that. Well, so far only Tom, B'Elanna and Seven and an hour ago, she'd communicated with Voyager's EMH.

"Professor Chakotay remains in a deep coma, Admiral. I've treated all other injuries, but his head trauma was extremely severe. Seems there are some things physicians cannot heal with conventional medicines. He is breathing on his own, but he needs you here."

"Doctor, I am sure you know that Chakotay and Seven of Nine were married. Why not - "

"Seven of Nine has stepped away and has done the honourable thing. She knew, as pretty much every crewman and officer on Voyager knew - that his heart was already yours. I have to say though, that Seven remains a friend and as concerned as everyone else."

She so very badly wanted to believe that Chakotay needed her because he still loved her.

"Thank you, Doctor."

The EMH nodded, then frowned. Kathryn knew instinctively what his question was going to be.

"Who is Oberon?" he asked.

"The name of his horse. More I cannot say."

She'd closed communication after that. She really didn't want to say more about Oberon because so many emotions were tied with the name - Oberon the horse and Oberon who was Kathryn.

She had been worried ever since she'd left Sularia, unable to relax. What if Chakotay didn't make it? She'd hardly had any sleep for thinking about the possibility that he might die before she reached the hospital.

They all thought that she held the key to Chakotay's recovery. What would happen when he regained consciousness? Would he recognise her? Would he love her still? She had dealt him a terrible blow, hurting him enough that he'd taken and married another woman. She had destroyed their friendship, the one thing she'd imagined would stand the test of all the hurt she'd dealt him. Since then there had not been a moment she had not regretted her foolish words that day in the holodeck. He'd deleted Oberon, purged everything that had been between them - friendship, camaraderie, love.

To Chakotay, Oberon was dead, or so she believed. Now it seemed that from the deepest recesses of his consciousness, he remembered the magnificent horse and all Oberon meant to him.

Her heart raced at the knowledge that he was no longer married, that Seven of Nine had sought the separation. Now Kathryn was ready to go on her knees and beg him to love her again, if he would have her.

"Well, Admiral, ready to transport?" Tom asked. Surprised that the Flyer had already docked at Earth's Orbital Station, Kathryn nodded, unable to smile much for the concern for the man who had once been her greatest friend.

"Thank you, Tom. I'll leave my luggage here and have it transported later to my apartment. Give B'Elanna my regards and kiss baby Miral for me, will you?"

"Will do. And Admiral…"

"Yes?"

"Glad to have you back. He loves you."

***

Kathryn headed straight for Starfleet Medical with a heart that burned with fear and excitement. She could see her mother and sister later, had already informed them of the urgency to see Chakotay at the hospital. When Gretchen replied to her, Kathryn could have sworn there was a twinkle in her mother's eyes. But right now Chakotay needed her; she had a desperate desire to see him, to be with him, be by his side as he had been for her for so long.

Would he love her still?

He was in a deep coma, according to the EMH, a coma from which he couldn't emerge. It had been forty eight hours since she had received Seven of Nine's message. Seven had appeared subdued as she acknowledged her part in the split, yet Kathryn sensed that Seven still cared very much. This time as someone who wanted to be a friend.

When she reached the door to Chakotay's room, she took a deep breath, then entered quietly, surprised to see who was sitting by Chakotay's bedside. A chair scraped as Mike Ayala rose to his feet and saluted Kathryn.

"Thank goodness you are here, Admiral," he said. "We've been taking turns keeping a vigil - "

Seven had informed her about the vigil and she was humbled by the fact that former Voyager crew remained so loyal to Chakotay.

Kathryn nodded. Ayala relaxed.

"There's no change in him," he said. "But you are here now, Admiral. Perhaps he'll wake soon. The Doctor said there was no reason Chakotay couldn't become fully conscious - "

When Kathryn moved to stand next to Chakotay, Ayala left as if  in a great hurry.

Then there was quiet again. Kathryn gazed at Chakotay's still form. He was just barely breathing, his face sallow, his lips cracked and dry. He needed water, she thought absently. One hand lay over the coverlet, a finger twitching, probably from something remembered in the subconscious. He looked so sick, so without hope that her eyes filled with tears.

She remembered the injuries the EMH had listed in her communication with him. Virtually every bone broken, so many cracked and fractured ribs, a punctured lung, external bleeding from the head where the skull had cracked open.

She also heard about his extreme activities, such as free-falling from great heights, diving into a river from a forty metre platform - old injuries mixing with the new ones. She hadn't dared consider why he'd engaged in such dangerous undertakings. Seven had hinted that they all took place after she and Chakotay divorced. What had preyed on Chakotay's mind so badly that he'd be impelled to take such extreme risks?

Kathryn sat down on the chair and cupped his cheek in a gentle caress.

"Oh, Chakotay…"

Then her tears fell. She wept for the shame and regret that she had not heeded the call of her heart, that she could not tell him, "Chakotay, my heart asks for nothing more than to be by your side forever." Why, oh, why had she been so foolish to tell him that marriage was not for her? Why did she tell him that she only wanted to play with love? Why had she been so thoughtless?

"I am so, so sorry, Chakotay, that I hurt you. I lost so much after you left me that day. Most of all, I lost your friendship. I never realised that I would lose everything. You cannot know how much I regret that."

Her voice was low, as in a soft, murmuring prayer, the words of penitence tumbling from her. She had no thought of herself, but only to comfort him. Her pained murmurings were whispered close by Chakotay's ear while she kept on caressing the hand that lay on the cover.

Kathryn was oblivious to the door that opened and closed several times, to the visitors who respectfully left again when they saw her bent low over Chakotay's still form, the tears dripping hotly on to his hand.

Once the EMH entered the ward, not to check on Chakotay, but to urge Kathryn to take a break. But Kathryn refused to leave his side, afraid that he'd wake up and she wouldn’t be there. Her mother had popped in and later Phoebe to relieve her but she remained adamant that she was fine.

Late that evening there was a breakthrough. Kathryn had leaned over to kiss Chakotay gently. He had not stirred since she had arrived at the hospital, although she imagined a few times that his fingers moved allowing for a sudden hope that he would wake up. She hadn't wanted to believe the doctor that Chakotay had begun to show improvement since she had started her vigil.

Suddenly a deep sigh escaped him, followed by a sharp inhalation of air. His grip on her hand tightened.

"Chakotay? Chakotay!"

His eyes flew open as if he had just had a long, fitful sleep, not the deep coma that had them all worried. As if nothing had happened - not the risky high dives, free-falling, plunging down the rocky outcrops of a never before discovered sinkhole.

And he stared straight at her, his gaze unwavering as recognition dawned. A single tear rolled down his cheek. Kathryn gave a wild, deep sob.

"Oh, Chakotay!"

"Oberon…"

"Yes…yes!" she whispered, her voice filled with aching emotion. "It's me, Oberon."

His lips pulled into what she thought was a smile, though it never reached his dimples. Her heart lurched wildly. He recognised her, the look in his eyes the old, familiar regard he always reserved just for her.

"I dreamed of you, Oberon." His voice sounded like a rusty croak.

Kathryn reached for the soft sponge and dipped it in the little bowl by his bedside, pressing it against his parched lips. He gave another sigh. Then he tried to sit up but Kathryn pressed him back very gently.

"Chakotay, my love, I have done you a great injustice. I - "

"I should have waited for you, Oberon. I should have waited."

Kathryn gave a sob as she leaned into him, his arm around her in a gentle embrace. They lay quietly for a few minutes, reflecting on the folly of their decisions. Then finally Kathryn sat back, never letting go of his hand, her eyes swimming in tears.

"Forgive me, please. I have been such a fool."

Chakotay tried to lift himself off the pillow to gaze into her eyes.

"We were - we were both foolish to have wasted precious time."

He lay back, tired. She could see he was going to fall asleep.

"Chakotay…"

"Yes?"

"I love you. I cannot imagine any time on Voyager and since, that that love has not been a part of me. That day in the holodeck… I - "

"What, Kathryn?"

"Will you marry me? Make me happy? Please?"

"Promise me one thing, my love."

Kathryn's heart soared with love for him. Her eyes shone, the mists of her unhappiness vanished miraculously.

"What is that?" she asked, her eyes full of happy tears.

"We'll go riding together in the Sonoran desert and when our son is born, we will take him there."

"I'll ride with you as often as you want. Just get better now, will you?"

"Yes, Oberon!"

***

END PART SIX

 


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

 

It took longer than he had anticipated to make a full recovery. Chakotay had opened his eyes and seen Kathryn - worried, tearful, blessedly real and with him at last. She had apologised repeatedly but it wasn’t necessary.

He accepted that his marriage to Seven had been a mistake, that he had never stopped loving Kathryn. Seven of Nine had gifted them with the possibility to be together, to make good on his original promise of everlasting devotion to Kathryn. For that he had been grateful.

He spent a further two weeks in the hospital. To their consternation, he had found walking difficult - a result of his head injury. Kathryn monitored his rehabilitation and often she'd stroll with him in the garden of Starfleet Medical.

"I have to use a walking stick," he muttered every time they went outside.

"It's temporary," Kathryn would say, and her tone of voice brooked no objection. He simply complied because he had to admit reluctantly that he didn't feel one hundred percent fit.

"I like the colours of the sticks though," he'd told her on the third day of his recuperation. "They blend with the emotion. Blue for 'okay' and red for 'angry'."

"That is not funny, Chakotay," Kathryn would say before he simply pulled her to him and kissed her for long moments.

During his time in hospital, he had been visited by most of the Voyager crew who were based on Earth, and some who had taken turns keeping a vigil. Seven of Nine visited a few times, his anger at her deceit evaporated now that Kathryn was back in his life. Kathryn had spoken with Seven and had listened to the former Borg asking forgiveness for the role she played in separating the captain and first officer of Voyager. Kathryn had accepted with the grace which he always  associated with her. He loved her even more then.

Kathryn took him with her to Indiana. He'd already met her mother and sister. Now they welcomed him into their home and blessed the fact that he and Kathryn would marry a week later.

He was a happy man at last. With Kathryn by his side, he felt he could move the world.

****

"You may kiss the bride," said Admiral Paris, smiling indulgently at them. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a granddaughter to cuddle."

After about a minute, Chakotay broke the kiss, but still kept his arms around his wife. His eyes were shining as he gazed at her. Tom gave a cough.

"Have you thought about a honeymoon?" asked Tom who was the best man.

"The desert."

"What?" exclaimed B'Elanna. "You're taking your wife into the desert?!"

"What's wrong with that? Kathryn's okay with it."

"What do you do in the desert other than - than - "

"Other than - ? Well, we go horse-riding."

B'Elanna nodded, though clearly still baffled by the desert and horses for a honeymoon.

"Well then, enjoy your honeymoon in the desert. Don't blame me if you fall off a horse or something. You're very good at falling from things."

"Don't worry, B'Elanna," Kathryn assured her. "I've never seen Chakotay fall from a horse!"

"That horse…is that Oberon?"

"Yes!" Chakotay and Kathryn exclaimed simultaneously as they left grounds of Headquarters. "Now leave us alone!"

******

Chakotay sat on the dusty ground leaning against a tree. Kathryn sat in front, leaning against him. From time to time Chakotay kissed the top of her head, or Kathryn would turn and raise her face so that he could kiss her lips.

Although the sun was high, the heat was bearable in the shade thrown by the branches. The horses grazed by the nearby stream, snorting from time to time, then drinking from the clear water.

"Are we keeping the horses?" Kathryn asked.

"We own them, my love. It cost me quite a few credits. They'll be well cared for at the Carlin Stables. We pay a small monthly fee."

"I'm glad. I want to come as often as I can. I'm glad we named them Oberon and Thaïs…"

"Me too. Oberon even looks like the horse I had in the holodeck programme. Just as magnificent and imperious."

"It's so different from the holodeck," Kathryn murmured softly. "Harder, tougher, real," she added. "You don't realise how much of that Voyager world never really came close to the real thing - breathing in the desert air, for instance…"

He bent to kiss her again, his lips lingering on hers. A fire sprang in his eyes. Kathryn loved him, had never stopped loving him. He berated himself again for not having had the patience to wait for her, or to understand that those damning words had flown impulsively from her mouth, that Kathryn would, like so many people, regret them.

Sighing, he sat back again, knowing how Kathryn could sense his change in mood. He breathed in deeply the clean air of Arizona. He was happy, happier than he had ever been in his life. Kathryn was his finally, Kathryn whose body sang to his touches, who could make him beg for her just by the way she looked at him with her smoky warm eyes.

"I love you, Kathryn," he murmured against her hair, feeling his eyes sting with tears.

"Chakotay…?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why did you delete the Oberon programme?"

He considered her words carefully. It had been on his mind and in his deep subconscious during his coma. He'd despaired of losing Kathryn, but Oberon had remained their bond. When he was married to Seven, he'd clung desperately to the memory, but he'd known how she could pry, how she could use her expertise to break his codes and infiltrate a domain he guarded jealously.

"It was my defence mechanism," he answered slowly. "I couldn't leave it in the ship's archive even with high level clearance codes. I wanted to protect us…you, that no one knew of our holy time with Oberon and Thaïs."

"I always thought it was out of spite. I tried to go there, you know, to talk to you and take back my words."

"Don't cry, my love. It's over now. Sometimes these things happen to make us love more deeply, more intensely, warning us not to waste any more chances."

Kathryn gave a sob as she turned in his embrace. "Thank you for giving me the second chance."

"Even in the deepest darkness where I dwelt, you were there, and I knew if I called your name, you would come, Oberon."

"Oberon…"

"My strength, so full of courage and determination, self-possessed and magnificent!"

"I love you, Chakotay. There is no one for me but you. I have desired peace and my longing, that had been without hope, has been assuaged. Without you by my side, I think I will wilt like a flower with no water to nourish it."

Chakotay gave a deep sigh, then moved her so that he could stand up. He pulled her to her feet.

"Come, Oberon and Thaïs could use some exercise. Where to now, my love?"

"That mesa! Race you!"

************

END PART SEVEN


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

 

**Arizona - December 22 2379**

The Sekaquaptewa pueblo was one of the last surviving pueblos. It was a heritage site maintained by the Federation Cultural Ministry as a museum. Quite a few of the ancestral abodes were in use, mainly as lodgings for visitors who'd come to participate in special ceremonies. Lately, even ceremonies such as weddings took place here, especially if the bride or groom or both were from one of the ancient Native American tribes.

Although it was late afternoon, the sun was already beginning to set, a grey haze hanging over the Arizona sky. Soon it would become dark, the red glow of the setting sun lending a hallowed atmosphere to the pueblo. No rain had been forecast, typical for the Sonoran desert region, while the evenings were chilly for the mid-winter months.

Kathryn sat next to Chakotay on a low, padded seat in the front row of the amphitheatre that formed the communal hub of the pueblo.

In the middle, at floor level, was a circular marked area where within the next few minutes they would see the first of the dances and chants.

They'd talked about it weeks ago.

"You're not really a Christmassy type of person, Chakotay."

"That doesn't mean I don't honour and respect those who celebrate it and for whom the birth of a baby boy has such deep devotion and respect."

"I know. But for most it is a season of giving, of goodwill and of sharing gifts, trees and colourful ornaments, a star or angel atop the tree and drinking eggnog. My parents used to attend the midnight service - "

"I will go with you and share in your celebration and then kiss you under the mistletoe - "

"But?"

"There is no 'but'!"

"Your voice tells me you wish to add something else."

"I'm absolutely certain that - "

"Chakotay!"

"Yes, darling?"

"I would dearly love, love, love to share in a Native American celebration with you. I believe there are quite a few…"

Chakotay had looked at Kathryn, gazed for endless seconds into her eyes until his glazed over with a sheen of tears.

"You - you…would, my Kathryn?" he asked, as if he couldn't quite believe her.

"Very much, my love. This is our first December back in the Alpha Quadrant. I love you so much and want to share in everything that defines you as my angry, peaceful warrior."

Her words had been reassuring for he gave a deep sigh of satisfaction.

"You will never regret it."

Now they were seated in the amphitheatre. Native Americans based elsewhere on Earth and off-world had congregated here to participate in the Soyaluna, the winter solstice sacred festival held on the shortest day of the year. Some were dressed in traditional costumes to participate in the sacred dances. Chakotay himself wore his old Maquis gear, but on his waist coat numerous long feathers were pinned, as well as on the thighs of his pants, on the upper sleeves of his shirt. Since his accident he'd grown his sleek hair to neck length enhancing his immense masculinity.

When he'd appeared before her an hour ago, Kathryn had gasped, then clamped her mouth, her eyes wide with amazement. Chakotay had looked magnificent, in his element, already growing into the character of the ancient doll. His eyes shone with love for her. The apprehension weeks ago when they'd spoken about it, gone, and in its place the assurance of his race, of representing his tribal ancestors.

She'd stepped into his embrace and hugged him fiercely, her eyes filling with tears as she felt once again the regret that she had almost missed this elemental part of Chakotay's character and his heritage.

"Are you ready, Captain Chakotay?" asked one of the elders. Chakotay nodded, gripping Kathryn's hands briefly before he walked to the middle of the circle.

Kathryn watched, as every spectator sat enthralled when Chakotay began to dance, his feet stomping into the dusty ground in a rhythm so natural that it shocked her. His eyes were closed, his face turned to the giant red dying sun, and she could see he dwelled in another world.

Then he began chanting his prayer. Where had it come from? Kathryn wondered. In all the years she had known Chakotay, this aspect of his being had been a mystery, its mystique unknown to her and she realised with blinding clarity why he always took off in a shuttle to do his meditations. Oh, she knew he meditated but she had never intruded into just what it entailed. What he shared openly was his medicine wheel, his medicine bundle and his vision quest in which he always, as he told her, communicated with his father.

But this…this! How had it never occurred to her that he'd done his meditations mostly in the December months?

On and on he danced, offering a prayer to the sun god to return from the great distance he had travelled. He prayed that his tribe be blessed with good harvests, that the wellspring of their lives give birth to the richness of the earth, the fullness of life, that each new year be filled with prosperity and health.

Kathryn hardly knew the man who danced with such passion. He had transformed into the quintessential warrior who embodied the spirit of all before him who had danced like he was doing now. She was oblivious of the tears that rolled down her cheeks, for her heart was too full of the magnitude of the dance and the prayers.

When Chakotay finally stopped, he was down on his knees, his face in the direction the sun had set, his face exuding the greatness of the moment.

Kathryn knew that she would love him forever.

*

Later that evening they lay in their bed in one of the abodes, reflecting on all that had happened.

"I didn't know just how much it meant to you, Chakotay," she said softly, turning her head to look at him.

"It wasn't something I wanted to share with anyone, not even - "

"Seven of Nine."

"Yes. It was just never an option. But with you, Kathryn, I always knew you would understand, that sharing my deepest moments with you would be because I trust you implicitly, and that you would keep it in your heart."

"Our early years on Voyager… You didn't trust me then?" she asked.

"It's not that, I think. Perhaps I wanted the moment to be right."

"Like when you proposed to me in the holodeck… I am so sorry, my love."

"Don't be, okay? But yes, I was ready then. Even before that, when you stumbled into my Oberon."

Kathryn smiled tenderly. "Ah, Oberon. The one thing we guarded jealously. We loved wholeheartedly."

"No rules, no boundaries, like New Earth."

"Like New Earth."

Kathryn braced herself on her elbow and leaned in to kiss her husband. She knew now more than ever what a private person he was, and that to be a part of that was for her a singular honour.

"I love you, Chakotay."

"I see there's more in your eyes. What is it?" Chakotay asked.

"And next year, when our son is born, we will come here to the pueblo to name our child."

Chakotay gasped, his eyes filling with a sheen of tears. He couldn't stop gazing at her. His throat moved as he tried to form words or a word. He swallowed, then at last he was able to speak.

"Oberon…"

************ 

END!


End file.
